Sunday Fun-Day…but was it?
Yeah, which one of you would like to tell my period that Sunday is supposed to be Fun-day! Because quite frankly right now, I’m not talking to it. Silent treatment all round, besides the small whispers of agony that escape my lips every hour or so, as supposedly one of Kaleesi’s (I don’t care how its spelt) Dragons tries to climb its way from the front of my abdomen and exit out of my lower back.
Granted it is now Monday, and things are not any better. See my periods decided since it was super late this month, it’s going to make sure the entire room knows it has arrived, sparkles, bell bottom jeans, vagazzle, and that awful Rachael hair cut from friends!
As if stressing about rent, and work, and fighting depression one hour at a time isn’t enough, my body was so kind as to join the party!
My breasts which are usually a back breaking size 38DD, somehow (maybe magic) managed to runneth over the cuppeth this month, leaving me with two options. Let the tatta’s free, or lay flat on my back 24/7 for the next few days? I choose the have a glass of wine and pretend that I dont care everyone can see I am not wearing a bra option. Actually not much pretending was done, I simply don’t give a hoot. My boobs are my boobs and whether they are in a bra or not, depends on my level of social conditioning on said day. Today the level is nil.
On a brighter note I have discovered this new position, its kind of like when models pose on the beach, arching their backs in that sexy way. Which show off their toned abs, pert mounds, and stream lined leg muscles. Except different. I do arch, which then if I hit the light correctly shows off my 7month-pregnant-with-period-bloat stomach! The tits are so full they tend to fall sides ways and the legs, lol. They’re the weights keeping everything balanced. Its something to see I tell you. *Pours more wine*.
In the midst of declaring my worthiness to possible future bosses in an industry I really don’t want to go back into, there is the blatant realization that I should be consulting, teaching or at least coaching the person trying to interview me, as they have no idea about the position they’re advertising. My confidence in the company drops a level. It’s okay though, this gives me time to turn onto my other side and have a twenty minute power nap, at my desk. Except I end up getting five minutes in total because my boobs disagree with this position and start sending shooting pains from my body, alerting me of his fact. Good nap then.
I tried putting on pants at one point today, god that was hilarious. The entire effort of having to lift and co-ordinate my legs at the same time, almost had me crying. Once the effort was over, it lasted all of 20 seconds before the labor department from my “Hips” complained that they were being made to function under entirely unbearable conditions. No need to mention, I immediately noted their complaint and filed for a motion to remove the pants. It took more than 1 motion to actually remove said pants.
I mean not everything is terrible right? I’m alive, breathing, the sky is..the sky is F%#@ bright as shit and not helping my headache right now. Who the hell looks into the dam sky at this hour? Me, that’s who. *Closes imaginary curtains*.
Anyway, ladies I just wanted to tell you,for times like these, for those of you who like me battle with the above normal period pains and what comes with them, and those who are female and have periods in general. I’ve made a small list of gifts that you can send out to friends and family in these times of need. Don’t wait for them to ask, just send it, with a thank you in advance note on the bottom. (God, I am giggling).
No one should object as the list is quite reasonable.
Period Gift Drop Off List:
- 1 Ton of chocolate, because if I am going to play the stereotype I want it all.
- 6 Pillows that vary in size and temperature settings.
- Wine. Red. Lots of it.
- All the Julia Roberts and Sandra Bullock movies you can find.
- A guy with great hands who can massage our backs all day.
- A friend who can tell us we’re beautiful even in our 3 day old shirt.
- A friend that can feed the cat because we’re not moving if we don’t have to.
- A friend that can educate that one work college that doesn’t get it.
- A friend that can hug that one work college that does, because we dont wanna move.
- Complete silence pretty much all the time.
- 11. A new lower back, a new abdomen, and a new outlook on life.
- Rollerblades – because.
- Rollerskates – so I can explain the difference to those that dont get it.
- All the absolutely fabulous episodes in existence, with more wine.
See, the list is small and manageable for anyone who really wants to get you something.
If you thought today’s post was going to be about Travel because, this is Ceeces Travel and I am Cee and I like Travel? Well it depends on how you look at it. I mean if you start with the list, there is plenty of travelling for you to do. I’m just pointing that out.
By the way I wrote today’s post with my friend Yovanie in mind, because as much as I am Patsy Stone she is Edina Monsoon! 🙂
And As Always…..